just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
