Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
