saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Every concussion has its silver lining
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
