i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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