This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
