Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
