I like my sex mixed with concussions.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
