Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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