things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
