my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
