I think I am morally bankrupt
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
