We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
