I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
