hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
