i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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