What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
