I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
