At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
