we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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