So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
