My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
