her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
