forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
