u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
