So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
