i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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