you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
