New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
