I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
