I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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