Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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