i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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