Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
