at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
