i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
