You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
