(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
