Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
