remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
this will be a night to untag.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
