I feel like abortions should bother me more
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
