I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
