I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
