"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
