My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My dick has a subreddit
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