This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I supernannyed him into submission
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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