So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
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I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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