We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
