I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
