I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
