it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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