I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
barbara walters just said penis...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
