This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize