i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My bed smells like the plague
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
