Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
