i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
