Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
