The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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