I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
