remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize