wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Did I show you my penis last night?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
