he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
