Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize