i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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