there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She told me I should be a condom model.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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