Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
