he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
