Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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