Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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