He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
