first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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