Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
