My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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