I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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