You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
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alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
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I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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