Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
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Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
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Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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