Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
