I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
