I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you will always have a special place in my vag
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
