____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
this boner is exhausting
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
