Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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