u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
