What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
