seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
