Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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